Monday Motivating Mindset

THE HYPE

This weeks Motivating Mindset will inspire you to surround yourself with the kind of company you can be confident about keeping around.


THE CHALLENGE

Your Mindset challenge this week is getting in the habit of asking yourself:
"Who should I be hanging around with?"


THE PROMISE

Ask yourself this question when allocating your time to friends and acquaintances and you will soon become more aware of the company you keep.


THE TIPS

The people who you choose to surround yourself with play more of a role on your future than you may first realize.

Ask yourself the question "Who should I be hanging around with?" to take an inventory check on your intimate friends.

This question should gear your thoughts towards "why" you hang out with the people you do versus "who" the people actually are.

For example, do you have friends that are there for you through thick and thin, both good times and rough times?

Do you have friends that inspire you to chase your dreams and go after your goosebumps?

Do your friends help you realize a bigger vision of yourself?

How have your friends made you feel competent and capable lately?

Even though we all have the ability to think and feel independently on our own accord, the people that you surround yourself with still play a major determining part in your life.

From the moment that you wake up and continue on throughout the day you are surrounded by the energy of family, friends and even co-workers.

The energy that you feel from other people stems from the individual "agreements" that have made in each relationship.

Most of your agreements are formed and acted upon subconsciously, which is to say that you are not even aware that you formed them or of your behaviour.

One example is the many parents that unconsciously play an "overly-nurturing" role to their child.

They have formed an agreement that subconsciously states that they are the nurture providers and the child is the nurture receiver.

Nurture can be a good thing, however, when the parents form an "identity" about the role they play over the years this will lead to two things:

1. It will make the parent always feel the need to protect or provide for their child and they might lose some of their sanity when the child leaves home or no longer needs their help . i.e. Empty nest syndrome.

2. It will make the child subconsciously feel the need to be protected and/or provided for by their parents and very possibly manifest into issues of responsibility in their own intimate relationships.

So even though the intention was pure and formed with love the relationship agreement has since become dysfunctional.

Roles and agreements themselves are not inherently good or bad, the problem is continuing to believe and subscribe to them without questioning their effectiveness.

A dysfunctional agreement, role or relationship is one that no longer serves or supports its main purpose.

In a functional relationship both the conscious and subconscious agreements should be in alignment with helping fulfill your greatest dreams and desires.

Do the roles and responsibilities of the people that you hang around most support your highest aspirations? Do you support theirs?

What do you love most about the company that you keep?

By asking yourself "Who should I be hanging around with" based on your highest aspirations will make you more aware of allies you can align yourself with to assist in your achievements.


THE SECRET

Do you plan or aspire to be wealthy? If you answered yes then you better have wealthy friends!

Did you know that researchers estimate that you will earn an income the equals the average amount of your 5 closest associates?

Said differently, people tend to make the same average income of the people that they spend the most time with.

Are the people that you surround yourself with people that are worthy of your time?

The trick is to do anything at all possible to avoid people that belong to the "same-old'" crowd.

These are the people who you meet up with every so often and each and every time you ask them what's new and exciting they answer "the same-old".

You must avoid these people like the plague, not because you are better than them, but because they don't really want to see you happy.

It is not that they don't want to see you succeed because they might, but subconsciously to them if you are anything else then what you are now then it means a change to the relationship agreement that they have with you.

If you change the person that they knew and were used to then your relationship agreement would be different, and for most people change is scary because of fear of the unknown.

Don't let other peoples self-limiting beliefs, doubts and apprehensions determine your future, make it a point to surround yourself with the best team possible.

Either your friends are pulling you up to their level or they are dragging you down to theirs.

Do your 5 closest friends inspire you, make you laugh, or offer an insistent hand to help achieve your dreams?

Said differently, do the people you choose to surround yourself with help you move towards the "biggest" you possible?

Is that so hard to ask for and too unreasonable to expect?

Are you blessed with friends that are there for you every time, every day without question and without fail?

If you already have friends like this make it a point to go out now and celebrate the value of their friendship because it is priceless.

If you don't yet have friends like that no worries, make it a point to find at least one person to build a brand new amazing and supportive relationship with before the years done.

The good news is that the value of one positive and supportive relationship greatly outweighs the effect of several negative and non-supportive relationships.

There are many ways that you can meet like-minded people and farm for those fabulous new friendships.

One way is by joining a local offline group such as found on www.meetup.com where you can find people near you with the same interests and hobbies.

Another way to connect with people is by joining an online group, such as found using an Internet search on "yahoo" or "google" groups.

Alternatively, you could find someone that you admire or that is doing something that you'd like to learn more about and reach out to connect with them.

Ask if you can help them, assist them, volunteer your services in return for them to mentor you.

One last idea for finding that supportive relationship to nurture your dream is to find and work with a Life Coach.

A coach can help you get in touch with your values and what is really important to you before you spend the time and energy to attract new friends.

Like energy attracts like energy, so if you are a miserable person chances are your friends are too because who else would want to put up with you?

With a simple shift in attitude you can begin to attract amazing new abundant friends and acquaintances into your life.

It is your responsibility to "be" the type of friend that you yourself would love to be friends with and be around.

In some relationships you might be the jester or joker, always playing pranks and keeping people laughing and having fun.

In other relationships you might take on the role of being the brain, the analytical thinker that always has thought provoking questions.

Yet in another relationship you might play the role of cheerleader, encouraging and motivating others to do their best.

These are only some of the various examples of roles that you play in your relationships, there are many others so try and discover the ones that work best in your relationships.

Ask yourself the question "Who should I be hanging around with?" to uncover gaps in your circle of friends and to find missing pieces of the puzzle.

Monday Motivating Mindset

THE HYPE

This weeks Motivating Mindset will help you appreciate yourself more, attract healthier relationships and be an overall better person.


THE CHALLENGE

Your mindset challenge this week is getting in the habit of asking yourself: "Would you date yourself?"


THE PROMISE

Ask yourself this question and you will gain a more accurate reflection of yourself and a better understanding of your fears.

Next time that you have a few minutes alone to think ask yourself "Would I date myself?"

You might be wondering the relevance of this question if you already have a significant other but, regardless of relationship status, a careful consideration of this question can provide insight into what you contribute to your relationships.

If you answered "Yes" that you would date yourself, then the next question is why? What kind of reasons came to mind that make yourself a worthy prize?

When taking a personal inventory the answers you learn might even surprise you!

Could you fall in love with yourself? What traits of yours are you most proud? Are you a constant source of support? What about your communication skills? Are you always finding good things to comment about your significant other?

Do you find yourself thinking "I wish my partner..." or "If only my significant other...."? If so, these might be the best signs that you need to look in the mirror first.

"What would you change/improve if you were dating yourself?" "What specifically do you love about yourself?" If you aren't excited about dating yourself then how do you expect anybody else to be?

It is important to note that your partner or significant other must also agree with your self-assessment. If you think you are the worlds best communicator and your partner thinks otherwise, then any adjustments made would be based on a false assessment and thus likely prove counter-productive.

A relationship should for the most part be 50/50 in terms of contribution. What strengths do you contribute? Do they equal your share of the 50%? How do the strengths that you identified help make the relationship strong in your partners opinion?

Use what you've learned from this exercise to build on your strengths and identify any areas where you might have the opportunity to provide more value in your relationships.


THE SECRET

Looking at yourself through an open and honest mirror requires courage and willingness to see yourself objectively in a new way.

It is the mark of a true leader to be able to acknowledge their shortcomings and build upon the strengths that they recognized for.

If for some reason you cannot uncover any areas of improvement for yourself then look at the areas of resistance, friction and conflict in your relationships.

In what situations do you feel most uncomfortable? Pay attention to your discomfort because there is always a hidden gift within.

Your discomfort often shows you the areas in your life that you should review and revise any belief systems that no longer continue to serve you.

"What do you need to improve within yourself so that you become a more effective attractor of your desired results?"

Put yourself in the other persons shoes, see things from their perspective and appreciate the gift of awareness as an opportunity to be the change you want to see in the world.

Monday Motivating Mindset

THE HYPE

By taking the application of today's Motivating Mindset you will live a life that is more purposeful.


THE CHALLENGE

The Mindset challenge I am proposing this week is getting yourself in the habit of asking yourself the following question:

"How many days left?" or asked differently... "Could today be my last?"


THE PROMISE

Do this every day for this week and the promise is that you will make giant strides towards living with less regret and more purposefully!


THE TIPS

Today's question refers to the number of days you have remaining in your life.

Do you know how many days left on this Earth you have left?

Unfortunately while no calculator or person can ever give you the exact answer, the answer could come today, a week from today, or many many years from today.

Regardless of whether you accept it or not, the fact is that we all must return to sender one day.

The sooner that you accept and deal with the fragility of life the sooner you will be on your way to improving your life.

It may seem like a grim outlook to start your Monday but don't be mistaken, only those who have understood and accept this fully can take control and power back into their lives.

In fact, understanding and accepting this question allows you to immediately create more purpose and passion in your life.

The more you fully accept that your time here is finite the more that you will strive to live your life to the maximum.

You live to the maximum when you pursue your hearts desires.

You live with heartbreak when you don't fully live your life.


THE SECRET

Try asking yourself this question at the beginning and end of the day.

Keep asking this question when you find yourself in conflict with other people.

Are you communicating with others the way you would spend your time and energy if you knew it was your last day?

How can you treat people you come across today as if this was the last time you were ever going to spend time with them?

How would you like your friends, family and loved to remember their last moments with you?

You have the ability to treat each day as if it were your last. What is stopping you from doing this?

Life Would Be Easy... If It Weren't for COMMUNICATION Differences by Connie Podesta

Life Would Be Easy... If It Weren't for COMMUNICATION Differences by Connie Podesta

Sometimes it seems that folks just don't get it. No matter what you say or how you say it, they simply don't have a clue - and don't seem too worried about getting one either! It's not their nature to understand; that's just how they "are." Maybe so, but more often than not, the problem is a result of a communication breakdown.
In this digitally inter-connected world, you'd think we could "fix" such basic differences. Unfortunately, it's not as easy as plugging another device into the system. Maybe they're the problem. Maybe you are. We all know difficult people - and, in fact, we can all be the difficult person.

A little background on communication styles can help us understand the issues and learn how to alter our approach to eventually make life a little easier for both parties.

The Basics

Every time we speak, we choose and use one of four basic communication styles: assertive, aggressive, passive and passive-aggressive.

Assertive Communication

The most effective and healthiest form of communication is the assertive style. It's how we naturally express ourselves when our self-esteem is intact, giving us the confidence to communicate without games and manipulation.

When we are being assertive, we work hard to create mutually satisfying solutions. We communicate our needs clearly and forthrightly. We care about the relationship and strive for a win/win situation. We know our limits and refuse to be pushed beyond them just because someone else wants or needs something from us. Surprisingly, assertive is the style most people use least.

Aggressive Communication

Aggressive communication always involves manipulation. We may attempt to make people do what we want by inducing guilt (hurt) or by using intimidation and control tactics (anger). Covert or overt, we simply want our needs met - and right now! Although there are a few arenas where aggressive behavior is called for (i.e., sports or war), it will never work in a relationship. Ironically, the more aggressive sports rely heavily on team members and rational coaching strategies.

Passive Communication

Passive communication is based on compliance and hopes to avoid confrontation at all costs. In this mode we don't talk much, question even less, and actually do very little. We just don't want to rock the boat. Passives have learned that it is safer not to react and better to disappear than to stand up and be noticed.

Passive-Aggressive Communication

A combination of styles, passive-aggressive avoids direct confrontation (passive), but attempts to get even through manipulation (aggressive). If you've ever thought about making that certain someone who needs to be "taught a thing or two" suffer (even just a teeny bit), you've stepped pretty close to (if not on into) the devious and sneaky world of the passive-aggressive.

So now what?

Clearly, for many reasons, the only healthy communication style is assertive communication. Surely you can identify many people in your own life that favor each of the four styles. Most of us use a combination of these four styles, depending on the person or situation. The styles we choose generally depend on what our past experiences have taught us will work best to get our needs met in each specific situation. If you take a really good look at yourself, you've probably used each throughout your lifetime.

Understanding the four basic types of communication will help you learn how to react most effectively when confronted with a difficult person. It will also help you recognize when you are using manipulative behavior to get your own needs met. Remember, you always have a choice as to which communication style you use. If you're serious about taking control of your life, practice being more assertive. It will help you diffuse anger, reduce guilt and build relationships - both personally and professionally.

Take Action!

Begin to pay attention to which communication styles you use throughout the day. How often do you use a communication style other than assertive?

Watch and identify the communication styles some of the difficult people in your life use. Can you begin to notice how others use manipulative techniques to get their way.