Do you drink to enjoy yourself?
I had a talk with a coaching candidate who was looking to understand why they felt the need to drink socially but not regularly, unless of course they were out in social frequently.
At that moment I was cautious with my answer, I mean if we fully knew the underlying cause about any addiction it would likely cease to be addictive by definition right?
Regardless, the first thought that came to mind is that drugs and alcohol are a perceived enhancement for a deficit inside ourselves that we both consciously and subconsciously are experiencing in a situation.
Please allow me to explain. My belief comes from the observation and personal experience of drinking to break free from the "normal" or habitual way of being. The way we behave repeatedly become what is referred to as our conditioning. Whatever you want to call it, we often seek drugs and alcohol as the medium that brings out an altered and ultimately more desired state.
The hidden problem with this strategy is that the demonstrated solution (drinking or drugs) is just an illusion. The illusion is that you, or anyone else for that matter, requires something external to complete us or augment our experience. When it comes to drinking, the false belief is that we require alcohol to loosen us up, allow us to have fun, and make the experience much more enjoyable.
The downside of these fantasies is that for a small time we actually may see results, that is, we actually might think we are more socially functional by having the drink. Often, if only for a short time we are right, and the enhancement gets us through the stress or awkwardness of the situation.
Humans see things when they believe it, hence the phrase "I'll believe it when I see it" or "Seeing is believing". This becomes a problematic factor of human nature because now we "see" our actions (drinking) produce result and then we start to "believe" it is the answer. This only ensures that it will become that much more difficult to stop the no longer desired behaviour.
In our drinking example in order to get past the next social situation that they feel inadequate, you either use the alcohol as the crutch again or you will need to either come up with a brand new plan. The brand new plan is a feasible option only if given enough time and resources to commit to action, if either are missing then the effort is futile and you are highly likely to choose the path of least resistance which is the way you did it last.
So how do you combat this downward spiral of illusion? You must become conscious of the "positive intent" behind your actions. Every action we do is motivated by either a conscious or subconscious desire. When we detach ourselves from judgement about our actions, we make room to become aware of the positive intent behind our behaviour. Only when we have become clear about what this is can we empower change.
In our example of drinking the positive intent could have been "feeling confident and able to speak in public". With that desire identified the person could finally begin to seek alternative solutions to bringing them that feeling. For example they could join Toastmasters or a local speaking club, or join a networking group to expose themselves to others in a different setting.
There are many ways to beat your behaviour and with the right support you can do it! How are you currently identifying and empowering your desired change in your behaviour now? I'm definitely curious, drop me a line and let me know what works for you or if I can help.
Here to serve and humbled by your greatness!
